As I Was Saying…

The next time I re-locate will be the last.  I hope that will be true.  This move, which I took to be adventure, is becoming an never-ending nightmare.

“Nightmare” is an exaggeration.  Nightmares slowly build to a crescendo, and the terror builds.  This experience is different.  No terror.  No crescendo.  Just microscopically tedious tasks, one after another…a reverse chambered-nautilus in which your existential space narrows to a nano-micrometer.  I want to break free.  But there’s so much still left to do before I can feel at home.  Easy stuff like pictures to be re-hung.   But other stuff that, in the non-handicapped world, wouldn’t seem noticeable.  Things like the re-negotiation of carpet heights  Still, after a decade, I have to see where my feet are.  Every step “feels” like I’m tight-walking on a thousand foot cliff.  I have no sensation in my feet.

Between the ridiculous of the picture-hooks, and the sublime of the carpets, I’m lost, exhausted, tired, angry, and angry about becoming angry, frustrated, sleepless, on and on and on and on!

Where is that guy who had the world on a string?  The political analyst.  The reporter on the frontiers of neuroscience.

He’s complaining, I guess.  And he’s metamorphosing again.  Blogging itself is limiting.  So many choices.  Do I want “readers”?  Do I want to tell my life’s stories?  My family’s story? Create new stories?  Share research on topics that interest me?  Conservative politics?  Social sciences.  Philosophical discourses?

This bores me!  This!  Exactly this indecisiveness!!  I’m an old Model-T Ford, with my hand-crank stuck, puttering, stuttering, coughing black smoke.

But I’m BACK.  At last, I’m back!  Thank God I’m back!!

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34 thoughts on “As I Was Saying…

  1. The joy and adventure of losing track and rediscovering yourself! Splendid tales

  2. Reblogged this on My Blog and commented:
    So true….nothing is ever really completed or followed thru to the end. Poor management o the issue is at hand. It’s easier for people to slow down the process or add to the problem rather than fix it! I’m young and already have grey hairs.

  3. I’ll second that. Thank God you’re back!!

  4. I’ll second that! Thank God you’re back!!!

  5. Hello, Taxi Dog. Congratulations on your return!
    At 59 I’m selling my boring condo so that I can move into an artist work/live building… THAT’S very exciting. In my own way I understand your woes of mobility with 2 OA knees, 1 of which has been replaced (an easy necessary move, and easy to do in Canada ). Even so, still no ladder climbing, crawling over the sofa to nail in a picture hanger, hoisting boxes of books…
    I swim against the current these days, and revel in the ease of that.

    • Formable!! Rubenesque!! Judi Densch indeed!

      No hoisting for me, but I take risks that my life interesting. Balancing a plate of food with only two fingers of my useful hand while I hold my cane with the other fingers…that’s a good trick I’ve learned. “The are all kinds of dexterity,” he said, with a wink.

      Glad to meet you. You are a blues momma too. How wonderful.
      TD

      • Bonjour TD…
        That cartoon dog image… wonderfully conveys real childful joy. – yes, yes spellcheck, I know that’s not a “real” word.

        My photo group met today… we agreed that next Sunday morning we’d gather at the god awful time of 5am to shoot in sunrise light… being a night owl, I hope they understand the sacrifice I’ll be making! Next time, It’ll be painting with light at midnight… yes!!!

        TD, winks and dexterity… hmmm… you have a lovely way with words!
        K

      • I can’t say I already knew this artist, but I challenged myself to come up with a proper response to how well you “knew” me and this is it.

        This is a bit embarrassing for me to say, but my therapist tells me that I “bond very easily” and I should be careful as to what I imply. Just know that I’m a romantic at heart, and very much in love with my wife.

        Having said that, enjoy:

  6. TD…
    I wasn’t expecting the Phillips video. I really enjoyed his eerie almost sinister green night skies… do you think that tone has anything to do with Victorian era gas lighting? Thanks, that was a great response from you…

    Please know that I have the deepest respect for other’s relationships, especially all the hard work it takes to actually get 45 years down that path. Like yours, when a relationship really works… it’s wonderful!

    I also didn’t mean to imply anything in my response. Having said that, I do warn you that I enjoy word play… for being just that, word play.

    K

    • we’re cool !!

    • RE Phillips, yeah eerie. Weren’t there faerie? In literature, he reminds me of a Lovecraft novella. You can feel the dampness, the cold wind. I was surprised how little known he was.

      • My instincts (as a renowned art historian… right!) are hinting that Grimshaw might have been something of a Kincade himself… taken seriously by some, not so much by others. Having said that, I must say I was struck by his piece Snow and Mist … very minimalist, raw… reminds me of Arvo Part’s “Fratres” – Guidon Kremer /Keith Jarrett.
        K

      • “…reminds me of Arvo Part’s “Fratres” – Guidon Kremer /Keith Jarrett.” Heard it on U-Tube.

        Apparently, I like my music “MAXimalistc” and my art minimalistic.

        I’m a puzzlement.

        TD

    • Oh, and the gas lighting. Some of the night skies were crystal clear. And the detail, the lines, [I'm not an artist...there's probably a word for it but I don't know it]…the edges, I guess, are almost etched. Frigid? Icy?

      • Hmmm, maybe Grimshaw was trying to transition the fading Realist style into the emergent Impressionists? So he kept the sharp edges of realism in an impressionistic physical environment? And maybe dusk into night time is that time of mysterous transition from what’s real and solid to our eyes & brains (in daylight) becomes a part of the mysterious not so visible underworld… eerie and green?

        BTW… the painting with light we may be doing 5am Sunday morning is going to be very challenging. We’ll have to cope with the transition period of light from dark to emerging dawn to sunrise… the light readings will be changing every few minutes. Add to that, I’ll be 1/2 asleep as well… might as well bring my tiny camp stove and espresso maker!
        K

  7. As an art history major, you’ve snagged my attention TD…

    Right off the bat, Grimshaw’s art reminded me very much of 3 other artists’ atmospheric work: Manet’s “Impression, Sunrise”, the gorgeous pre-impressionistic piece by JMW Turner, “Rain, Steam and Speed…”, and the tacky (my opinion) body of work of America’s Thomas Kincade – aka “The Merchant of Kitsch”. Kincade (who I discovered died just 9 days ago) sold millions of prints of his ‘glowing from within’ fantasy cottage scenes. ‘Nuf said…

    So, I see a flow from Turner to Manet to Grimshaw to Kincade.
    K

    • Kincade would go well with the velvet paintings with the poker playing dogs. The one with the little electric Christmas lights buried in the oil to make it appear “life-like”. The same wall with the pictures of Elvis and Jesus looking out at each other. The room where I keep my shotgun collection and rebel flag displays.

      Yeah, I got it!
      —————-
      Many people think he was a great artiste! I shouldn’t speak badly of the dead…but….
      —————-
      Never saw the Turner work before but I don’t like it. Railroads ae things of great power and mystery for me. In 1850, he must have been taking laudanum to have missed that.

      Anyway,
      TD

      • I’m thinking…

      • FROM THE “SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION” DEPARTMENT comes this incredible instance of synchronicity:

        “Michael Lyons is a Professor of Image Arts and Sciences at Ritsumeikan University. He obtained his undergraduate degree in Physics from McGill University, and an MSc and PhD both in Physics from the University of British Columbia. Michael co-founded the New Interfaces for the Musical Expression conference and continues as a member of the NIME steering committee.”

        And, when you search on Wikipedia about the MoNET [I'm sorry; my bad] painting, we find this: “Will The Real Monet Please Stand Up”. Et Voila!! THAT – http://www.kasrl.org/monet.html – will really blow your mind!!!

        If you’re into such things, read the rest of his website’s references: neuroscience, music, art, perception,… … …

        We’ve got to stop meeting like this!!!
        TD

  8. Re: Turner
    I’m partial to the Turner… in class (@UBC… earlier @McGill… 6 degrees for sure) I saw it as the first true breakaway non-realist painting of that time. There’s a surging power to the train (won’t go all Freudian on you… fill in your own blanks) that speaks about charging into the future, the industrial revolution, etc, etc. What I actually love is the contrast and brooding tension btwn what’s nature/vapourish/insubstantial, and what’s hard edged/technological.

    And, though quoted out of wikipedia, Turner’s intentional visual “Twitter” in the painting is good clue material about the man:
    “A tiny hare appears in the bottom right corner of the painting. Some have interpreted the hare running ahead of the train as a suggestion to the limits of technology. Others believe the rabbit is running in fear of the new machinery and Turner meant to hint at the danger of man’s new technology destroying the inherent sublime elements of nature.” Huhn… 1844, eh?

    Now, you can keep your black velvet paintings and gun collection… Americans!

    As for Kincade… you can dress it up but tacky is tacky. To each his own. I am admittedly somewhat bitter… now that he is no longer with us on this human plain/plane I know that the value of thousands of his “works of art” will skyrocket. And lowly me, I work my tail off to sell the odd fine art photograph now and then… merde & kurat.

    Will check out more of the links you sent…
    K

    • Look, Lady!!

      Talk your railroads!! You photos have a power and sensuality that astounds me!

      I guess they don’t have a salon in Vancouver, ’cause if they did, you’d be the talk of the town.

      TD

  9. I know this. Making the leap is… lifesaving. I know this.

    At this very moment am literally wiped out by day job…

    discussion to be continued.
    K

  10. Always seems to be a dichotomy, always a this or that, always a known and yet also a KNOWN. Hah… it’s a lie… there’s ONLY the deep – not the outer – Self. I don’t want to have a near death experience trigger my jump into the real true me.

    I relate to this jump as standing at the edge of an abyss of self… facing the joy/fear of getting close to the edge – eyes scrunched closed, nose pinched, and strangely… the right finger pointing skywards – and allowing myself to fall back/forward into myself.

    Is any of this making sense?

    • mmmmm…maybe?

      I’m a mystic AND a scientist. But not both at the same time. I like jumping…mostly to conclusions. I’m a sprinter…100 yards…take a breathe…and again. Never back. Never.

      Fritz Perls, Gestalt analyst, had a thought about it. But I’m too tired to look for the reference.

      TD

      • Hmmm… interesting. What I never is regret. Never regret. Never. It is what it is.

        Intriguing night tonight at the Jung society… jotted down four, that’s 4, cool concepts into my iPhone notebook that really hit home. Now if only I knew the secret to triggering vivid dreams, I’d be off and running…

        K

      • Dare I Suggest…? Na. Better not.

      • Not fair… you can’t leave me hanging like this…

  11. Pssst… The Loneliness of a Tower Crane Driver … by Elbow.

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